Why Do I Even Bother?

I have a cold, I am under a huge amount of stress from various different activities, and I still have hours of homework ahead of my today. It is at these sorts of times that I become introspective and slightly outwardly emotional. So you have been forewarned.

I was chatting with a friend this last week and he made a comment that really made me think about my life planning skills. He said something to the meaning "In two years if you get accepted to OHSU then you will be home". This is what I have been planning for the last year or so. Not just because of the cost of medical school, but also because I want to be home. All this made me look back at my track record for predicting my future, especially in geography.

Four Years Ago: I was planning on studying biology at a local christian liberal arts school. I was going to go to medical school. I wasn't going to live at home, but 30 minutes from home wasn't all that bad.

Three Years Ago: I had a change of heart. I decided I wanted to go to a more conservative school. So my original choice of the school close to home was out. You should have seen the look on my mom's face! I once again started looking at a school in Michigan that I had always liked. It started to look more like a possibility.

Two Years Ago: I graduated from High school early, and decide to take classes at a different liberal arts college in my home town. I wasn't ready to leave yet, but I wanted to make the most of this year. I was looking at colleges in earnest. But mostly the one Michigan. I went and visited it, and loved it. I knew then that's where I wanted to be, and I thought I knew where God wanted me.

Year and Nine Months Ago: My mom dragged me to CA to look at one more school. I knew I was not going to like it. I had my school all picked out, I was just there to go to Disneyland, and prove to mom and dad once for all, I knew what I wanted. Oops! I didn't just like the school, I loved it. It was very different from the one in Michigan, but I loved it just the same. It felt right.

Year and Half Ago: I had to send in my check that night. Both schools needed a deposit by May 1st. It was the night of April 30th. I had to make a decision. So I did. I chose to come to Southern California, a place I really hate to a school I didn't even want to go and look at much less attend. Yeah, this was an "Ok God, I hope you know what you are doing" moment.

So all this to say "Why do I even bother making plans?" Obviously I have to do some sort of long term planning. But it comes down to this. I'm just crummy at it. I'm not good at seeing the forest through the trees. And I certainly can't predict where I'm going to be next year (well hopefully still here, but not spiritually) much less in two or three years.

Cheers!

Amendment 1: Perhaps I can blame my parents. They always say that the only subject they failed at teaching me was geography.

Amendment 2: Or I suppose I could just sum it up to "Welcome to the world of not being God".

Amendment 3: There are a few things in life that I'm still reasonably sure about. One is going to medical school. Another is God is God and I'm not. The third is I have the best group of people around me that I could ever ask for.