Chemical Fun

Two years ago, for Christmas, my parents gave this wonderful book called "Chemically Speaking". Take one guess what it is about. Here are some of my favorite quotes.

The Rules of the Lab
1. When you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly.
2. Experiments must be reproducible. They should fail the same way eath time.
3. First draw your curves, the plot your data.
4. Experience is directly proportional to equipment ruined.
5. A record of data is essential. It shows you were working.
6. TO study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start.
7. If you can't get the answer in the usual manner, start at the answer and derive the question.
8. If that doesn't work, start at both ends and try to find a common middle.
9. To do a lab really well, have your report done well in advance.
10. In case of doubt, make is sound convincing.
11. Do not believe in miracles- rely on them.
12. Team work is essential. It allow you to blame someone else.
13. All unmarked beakers contain fast acting, extremely toxic poisons.
14. Any delicate and expensive piece of glassware will break before any use can be made of it.
15. The probability of an event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.

"Organic chemistry just now is enough to drive one mad. It gives one the impression of a primeval, tropical forest full of the most remarkable things, a monstrous and boundless thicket, with no way of escape, into which one may well dread to enter." ~Wohler.

"Lord, I fall upon my knees
and I pray that all my syntheses
may no longer be inferior,
to those conducted by bacteria." ~Unknown

"A chemist, a physicist, and a geologist were walking along a beach when the physicist suddenly said that he wanted to measure the depth of the sea, and then he jumped into the sea. The geologist said that he wanted to see the seabed and he followed suit. The chemist waited for a while for the to reappear and then concluded 'Physicists and geologists are soluble in sea water'." ~unknown

"Physical Chemistry- The pitiful attempt to apply y=mx+b to everything in the universe.
Organic Chemistry- The practice of transmuting vile substances into publications.
Inorganic Chemistry- That which is left over after the organic, analytical, and physical chemists get through picking over the periodic table.
Chemical Engineering- The practice of doing for a profit what an organic chemist only does for fun." ~unknown

Cheers!

Your Literary Junkophile.