my favorite chemistry jokes

When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" the typical response is "C over lamda."

A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some acetylsalic acid.The pharmacist replies, "You mean aspirin?"The chemist answers, "That's it... I can never remember that word."

What's the most important lesson in chemistry?
Never lick the spoon.

How many physical chemists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but he'll change it three times, plot a straight line through the data, and then extrapolate to zero concentration.

Isaac Asimov said that if you want to find a chemist, ask him/her to discuss the following words: mole, unionized. As he so eloquently put it, "If he starts talking about furry animals and organized labor, keep walking."

First Order Reaction, n. The reaction that occurs first, not always the one desired. For example, the formation of brown gunk in an organic prep.

Physical Chemistry, n. The pitiful attempt to apply y = mx + b to everything in the universe.

Rate Equations, verb phrase. To give a grade or a ranking to a formula based on its utility and applicability. Hy = Ey, for example, applies to everything everywhere, and therefore rates an A. pV = nRT, on the other hand, is good only for nonexistent gases and thus receives only a D+, but this grade can be changed to a B- if enough empirical virial coefficients are added.

Spectrophotometry, n. A long word used mainly to intimidate freshman nonmajors.

Cheers!

Your Literary Junkophile.

Amendment 1: I really miss my chemistry class.

Amendment 2: Sorry if you didn't get any of my jokes. I can explain them if you like.