Denominations and Observations

Well, apparently my blogging has a deleterious effect on the weather. The sun has gone away and has been replaced with overcast clouds and slightly humid weather. So perhaps I need to stop writing about weather and turn my attention to more important things like observations about the different Christan denominations.

As I'm sure some of you know I have attended many different kinds of churches over my life, and each denomination came with its own quirks and tendencies.

Baptists: The Power of a Casserole.
Baptists are funny when it comes to food. You can barely be on speaking terms with someone and then as soon as you have a loved one sick (or dead) that same person will show up at your house with a casserole. It's as if Jesus didn't say "love your neighbor" he said "bring them a casserole".

Nazarenes: The Power of the Committee.
When I attended a Nazarene church all I ever heard about was this committee was being formed, this committee had decided this. I believe at times they misinterpreted the statement "Do not give up meeting together" to mean "Do not give up your meetings together".

Mennonites: The Power of an A Capella Song.
For some reason the heart and soul of the Mennonite church can be summed up in singing an hymn a Capella. You can go anywhere in the country and find a Mennonite church and you will find a congregation that can sing perfect four part harmony to any hymn, provided they are only given a pitch in the beginning. The ability to sing is some how bound to the absence of musical instruments. They have taken the well repeated old testament saying "I will sing to the LORD" to mean "I will sing to the LORD with no music".

Here is one more thing I found online about the differences in Christan denominations. Starting with the age old question. How many ____ does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air.
Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians: None. Lights will go off and on at predestined times.
Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.
Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.
Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old bulb was.
Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb and four wives to tell him how to do it.
Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light bulb is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb or tulip bulb. A church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring a bulb of your choice and a covered dish.
Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review the church lighting policy.
Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.
Amish: What's a light bulb?

Cheers!

Your Literary Junkophile.

Amendment 1: Now can you see why I am non-denominational?

Amendment 2: Even though I make jokes about the different christian groups I really did love all of those different churches for different reasons. I simply like to point out some of their oddities. So I don't mean to offend anyone.